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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25878463">TMI</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velace/pseuds/Velace'>Velace</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Emma Swan Problem [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Once Upon a Time (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempt at Humor, F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:48:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>685</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25878463</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velace/pseuds/Velace</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Today we (kind of) learn what's up with Emma's portals, and gross out Rumple in the process.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Emma Swan Problem [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/857828</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>200</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>TMI</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Emerging from the latest portal to find Rumple sitting on the park bench waiting for her, Emma raises an eyebrow. "It's you," he says.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>He rolls his eyes. "The portals, they're yours."</p><p>Confused, Emma frowns and drops down beside him. They can't be hers. If they were, she'd be able to control them. The number of times she's fallen into one? The places they take her? There is no way in <em>Hell</em>. "You wanna explain that?"</p><p>"Not particularly."</p><p>"Don't make me hit you," she whines. "I'm too tired."</p><p>He sighs. "It's your magic," he says, raising a hand when she opens her mouth to argue. "It appears that whenever you think too hard about something, your magic assumes you want it."</p><p>"So... I have wish magic?"</p><p>He nods again. "Something like that."</p><p>Her face twists in a grimace. Not only is it the worst thing she's ever heard, but Regina is going to have a fit. She'd said from day one that it was likely Emma's fault somehow, and now here Rumple is confirming the accusation. Her wife is going to be super unbearable for the foreseeable future.</p><p>"How do I stop it?"</p><p>"Stop thinking." He smirks, smug, then adds, "I'm sure you'll find it quite simple."</p><p>"You're a dick."</p><p>"Don't think too hard about that."</p><p>She narrows her eyes. The thought of him walking around as a giant penis is amusing, and it would probably distract Regina from yelling at her for a while. "I bet Belle would prefer it."</p><p>"Rude."</p><p>Dismissing the thought, she slumps against the bench and pouts. "How am I going to tell Regina?"</p><p>"From a distance... try Australia."</p><p>"She's going to kill me."</p><p>"Hence-"</p><p>"Yeah, yeah," she interrupts, glaring at him. "I got your stupid joke. You're not helping."</p><p>"Can't say I was honestly trying to."</p><p>"We've been to some really weird places," she says, ignoring him. Thinking about it, she realizes it does make sense- like when she fell into that portal the day after Regina told her she'd flirted with her father during the curse. She couldn't get it out of her head, and then suddenly she was in a land where they were dating.</p><p>She had nightmares for at least a week, and had been banished to the couch when Regina came after her and saw the hellscape she'd conjured into existence. </p><p>"I don't want to know."</p><p>Blinking, she glances at Rumple. She'd almost forgotten he was still here. "You made out with Regina in one of them," she says, remembering the moment with a shudder.</p><p>Rumple, strangely enough, looks at her with outrage. "That's disgusting, she's like a daughter to me."</p><p>"Right?"</p><p>His body shakes with a shudder of its own. "Why-"</p><p>"You two are weird, okay?" She interjects. She can't be faulted for the things she thinks when those two get together. It's always somehow sweet and scary, and the tension between them; it's not sexual, but when it comes to Regina and tension, even the violent kind, her mind goes straight to the gutter.  "It makes my weird thoughts even weirder, don't judge me."</p><p>He stares at her for what feels like minutes, disgust written plainly across his face before he shakes his head. "I'm telling Regina."</p><p>She scoffs, looking away. "What are you? Five?"</p><p>"What do you want, Rumple?"</p><p>Her head snaps around and she sees the mirror suddenly in his hand. "Oh my god."</p><p>"Emma?"</p><p>"I thought you'd like to know that your wife is not only responsible for her portal adventures," Rumple informs her, "but also that she's a freak."</p><p>"I knew both of those things already," Regina drawls, a combination of boredom and amusement in her tone.</p><p>Torn between offense and curiosity, Emma eventually chooses the latter and questions, "You did?"</p><p>"I told you the first day that they were your fault, did I not?" Regina grins a grin that gives Emma goosebumps, and says, "And we've been married long enough for me to understand precisely how freakish you are, my love."</p><p>"That's it." Shoving the mirror at Emma, Rumple stands. "You both disgust me, I'm going home."</p>
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